Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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