You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
