cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
