I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
