Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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