Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
