4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
