Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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