Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
