Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
