every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
