I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize