I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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