Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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