So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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