I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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