I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
