she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
