If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
