Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
