i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
