I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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