youre lurking in front of me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
