smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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