I wish I could teleport
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
