ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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