I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
