dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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