I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
