I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
