Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
