the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
