He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
