i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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