I swear she didn't look like that last week.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
