i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
