mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize