I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
