So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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