dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
