shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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