2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
