I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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