After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
