You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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