I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
