My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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