That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
40s are totally the cure
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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