Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
