i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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