Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
