Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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