I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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