Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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