About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
