i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
