Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I smell like Dick and happiness
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