69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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