I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
