she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
