im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
