is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
