Can i not drive my cunt home
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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