I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Couch. On fire.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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