i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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