Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i've created a new STD.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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